Where Did I Go Wrong?

My wife and I live in a money consuming, supply eating thing we call a house that we bought a few months before we got married. It is simultaneously a source of pride and extreme frustration. Plus, it eats my time without any regard for what I would rather be doing. Besides, I have lived in much worse places so I can't really complain. However, I'm trying to figure out what we are doing wrong.

I went on a call yesterday. Needless to say, I can't divulge any particulars about the patient but I will give you a general idea. She is a single mom in her early twenties without a job. The part that gets me is her apartment. It was nice. I don't mean nice as in a good, decent place to live. I mean nice as in a sweet place to live. I would have loved to live in a place like this back in the day. There were at least two bedrooms and bathrooms that I could easily see, the kitchen had all the modern appliances you could ask for, the living room and dining room area was spacious, and there was a good sized deck outside. The complex has a nice big pool, clubhouse, and fenced in playground with nice, new equipment. There was cable and high-speed internet too. This is the new section 8 housing and not the only one in town like this.

Did I emphasize that she doesn't have a job? She has several nice, and I'm sure expensive, tattoos that look very professional but no job. Reread the description above. Does this make any sense? Without going into the in's and out's of welfare and such (another day I'm sure), since when are the amenities above required to live? I don't get it. Should a child have a decent place to live, sure. Should people who are struggling have a decent place to live, sure. Do they need cable and all the other really good stuff, I'm thinking not so much. The part that is really chaffing my ass is that I am paying for it but I don't get to partake. I make too much money.

So, where did my wife and I go wrong? We both work hard and take care of our bills. Neither one of us are bad people though I will admit that she is far nicer than I am. (At the same time, she doesn't have to deal with people like I do.) Why do we have to pay for all of our appliances and amenities? And, get this, since this is an apartment, if an appliance tears up, they just call the maintenance number and it gets fixed or replaced. ?????? No repair bill? No having to wait until payday to get things taken care of? Hell, there is no getting out the phonebook and calling around to find someone to come and fix things.

Did mention the parking lot? I am into cars. I love them and have for as long as I can remember. I also know what they cost. There were a few hoopties here and there but most of them were within three years old, twenty thousand dollar plus rides with upgrades. Even the hoopties had upgrades, tacky but expensive upgrades. I drive a nine year old car with over two hundred thousand miles on it. The only upgrade is tinted windows. How can people with no job get these? I want in on it. With the price of gas these days, how do they feed them? I want in on that too.

So, I did a little informal research. Most of them are disabled with things like degenerative disk disease, bipolar, and schizophrenia being the top three. So, using that information, I am formulating a plan. I will become disabled.

Don't get me wrong, these are legitimate problems that are very life-altering to say the least. But, I know what the signs and symptoms are of these particular problems and I know what medications these problems require for treatment. In far too many cases, I don't see the two happening at the same time. Anyway, back to the plan. I am going with degenerative disk disease (DDD). I'm sure I have it by now. I don't think anyone really knows the statistics but I'm sure spinal problems are pretty rampant in EMS. All I need to do is get a doctor to certify me as having DDD and that I can no longer work. Since I know the symptoms, I can get all the pain meds needed. I can use these as "supplemental income" and/or for those days when I just want to get away. Then I can qualify for section 8 housing and get to move into one of these sweet complexes. There is only one problem......

We have pride. We work for a living like many, many folks. What we have is ours because we have earned it. Besides, if I left my job now, I would have to change the title of this blog and run out of things to talk about pretty quickly.

Politics and Hypocrites

If you watch the news long enough, you are sure to find something about politics. The republicans did this. The democrats did that. It is all very annoying. Compounding things further is the whole presidential election campaign thing which I find completely annoying. The election is well over a year away, why are we talking about it now? A friend of mine pointed out that in Great Britain, you cannot campaign over six months prior to the election. I like that idea. Six months of annoyance and it's over (except for the chad defining and subsequent counting). What does all of this have to do with me?

I am a non-political person. I think that all politicians are liers and will screw me. The question is who can lie better and who can make the screwing the least painful. I am a proud GDI. I vote for whomever I like the better no matter what political party they belong to.

Then I got to thinking which, at times, can be a dangerous thing. As much as I hate politics in general, governmental in particular, I do it everyday. I also suspect, that we all do in some way. If you don't think so, let's look at the cars on my train of thought and see what conclusion you come to.

To study something, it must first be defined so here you go: Politics is a big game of scratch my back. (This isn't the official Webster version but the distilled essence.) You do something for me and I'll do something for you. We learn that as kids. We learn that, to get what we want, we have to do certain things a certain way. And, we learn who to have the dealings with. Is this starting to sound familiar. We get to school and get exposed to elections for various things, student government, homecoming court, prom royalty and such. They teach us that the entire election process is a popularity contest. The value of the person is of little consequence. How popular are they? How's that for a life-lesson?

Now, how many times a day at work do you do/not do something because of the consequence? In other words, how will your action hurt or help your career? We even do it at home. Think about how often you do/don't do something or say/not say something to your significant other? Yup, politics is even in the home. We do it so much that it is pretty much subconscious.

What does this have to do with me? Well, I can't tell a doctor exactly what I think because I may have to call him/her later and really need his/her permission for something. I can't tell a patient or their family exactly what I think is the root of the problem because they may call in and complain on me which, in the eyes of the company, would be worse than if I killed them or did sub-standard medicine. I am, however, guilty of using the trucks PA to give "driving suggestions" to people who really need them, much to my partners chagrin at times.

Bottom line, I am a hypocrite.

the beginning

Since everything has to start somewhere.......here is the beginning.

I suppose there should be some sort of explanation as to why this exists in the first place. I'm not really sure as to what exactly that answer is. A good friend of mine suggested it. Right now, I see it as a place to vent whatever my mental pressure cooker has in it.

I think everyone would agree that we all live in a very screwed-up world. Those of us that work out in the real world, on the street, see that very clearly. I should probably clarify something here. I am a paramedic.

disclaimer: I can't speak for police, firefighters, firemedics, or anyone else who deals with humanity for that matter. Just me, take it or leave it. You do have a back button you know. Now, back to the scheduled program....

I am proud of that fact and I hate it at the same time. It has made me have a very distorted view of humanity. I haven't always hated people. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a doctor. I thought that taking care of people was a good thing. I thought that helping another person was a rewarding thing to do. The eventual pay wouldn't be bad either. Now, I doubt I could be paid enough to do it. People simply aren't worth the amount of time I would have to dedicate to them. This also creates a paradox.

As bad as I dislike people in general, I hate shitty medicine. People put their trust in someone to take care of their health and, more often than people know, the ball gets dropped. Sometimes it's the doctor who doesn't do things right, the hospital that refuses to staff enough people for greed, or the nurse who is either too over-worked due to said hospital or is too ignorant to know better. Notice I said ignorant not stupid. There is a difference although stupid also works in some cases.

Basically, I do my best at a profession that deals with people I don't like but I don't want anyone else to take my place because they wouldn't do it right. Frued(sp?) would have a field day with me.

I have to interject my personal philosophy here. EMS does not, I repeat, does NOT save lives. We buy time. Period. We are all terminal. The reaper always wins and we all die, it's just a question of when. We slow down the process of dying and get them to someone that can hopefully fix them, providing their insurance is good. (But that is for another day.)

Too many people get into EMS thinking that they will save lives only to have a streak of people die on them. They then go crazy, get depressed, start various unhealthy things and such. Or, they like the blinking lights and screaming sirens, which gets old after a while by the way, and haven't really got a clue as to what it is really about. Same end result which can be summed up with one word, burnout.

I have noticed something though. It isn't the really bad things that get witnessed that end careers most of the time. Don't get me wrong, really bad experiences can end careers and do. Look at the statistics of how many paramedics that worked in the New York area on 9/11 are still on the job. The answer is not many and I can understand that. Most times, it is the mind numbing BS that goes on day after day that really causes the trouble.

Now that that is all out of the way, I probably should put something here but I think I have said enough for one day. I'm pretty much stalling because I'm at the hardest part of this entire blog thing. Pushing the publish button for the first time. I have never done something like this before and it is a bit daunting. I do hope that someone reads this. Comments are always welcome whether you agree with me or not. Oh well, Tim, here goes.